Mysterious Eminence

Too long...it's been...too long.

2008-02-16T15:39:00.003-07:00

I guess my recent absence again from posting on this blog is partly because I have another one that talks about my day to day life in Peru. Maybe even more of a reason is that I've been going through a spiritual crisis as of late. Although it's getting a little better now. I'm currently living in the middle of Peru doing my best to "save the world"...as if I believed that is possible.

I left the states with a chip on my shoulder towards Christianity and organized religion. Let me be a little more specific...I was mad at the Christian Church (capital C). I felt like it wasn't doing everything in it's power to live up to the Bible and what it tells us to do. Not that I expect it to be perfect, but I do expect it to be trying a little harder then the effort I saw in the last few years in the town in which I lived. Recently, God reminded me that you can't run away from your problems as I still have to encounter the blahs of everyday church in Peru. I'm finding that church here isn't much different than church in the US and that frustrates me too.

And some days I worry that what I'm looking for in a church doesn't even equate with how church is meant to be. Maybe my thinking is way off. I am just looking for a church that lives a little bit more outside the box with a view of the bigger picture, namely that there is this big huge world out there that needs to be love and receive love. I am largely frustrated that two of the hot button topics in Christianity now adays are rarely mentioned in the Bible. When did we give up God's commandments to love others in order to stand on picket lines against homosexuality and abortion? I guess I'm missing the point.

Anyway, I do feel like my anger is loosening a bit. I do realize that anything created in God's name is created for God's glory. I think the opening parts of Genesis are pretty clear about that. And I know that we're so imperfect, and it's not that I have a desire for perfection, I just desire something greater. I desire a church that looks for something greater. That looks for new ways to worship and new ways to reach out. Ah...only my dreams.

The missing Parillada pictures

2007-10-24T19:45:00.000-06:00

Here are the missing pics from the parillada. This is the large vat of potatoes and rice!

Prof(es). Segundo and Maximo (he's my host dad, and yes, I'm taller than he is).

Preparing the meat for the parillada.

Great Rats!

2007-09-05T18:51:00.001-06:00

Author's note: I've had some problems getting on my blog as of recent. Here's a blog I wrote a week ago:

Some pics from swearing-in

Rats! And I mean that quite literally. I don’t like rats one bit. I never have. I can deal with mice, snakes, and spiders, but I am scared witless with rats. And last night, day two/night three in Catilluc, my trust was shattered as I watched a rat (dare I say ROUS – Princess Bride reference) crawl up the wall on the right side of my room and scurry out the space in the roof. I could not sleep for the rest of the night. It doesn’t help that I had two more instances with said rat. One time it fell (possibly fighting with another) on my stove. I screamed and it scurried away. And the ultimate time was when I heard it crawling back down the wall right next to my bed. At this point I had put up my mosquito net so I was scared but at least felt somewhat secure in my bed. Although I sleep in a double bed and my mosquito net only fits a single bed. We put up some plastic on the ceiling to at least give me a little more protection, and I believe we have rat poison ready for consumption in different places around the casa.

Other than the great rat race of last night, I love Catilluc. I love the people, and I love my work. I have already spent three afternoons with the children who frequent the CAID. Yesterday we exchanged songs and then games. It was so spontaneous and fun. I’m hoping to play “Boppity-bop-bop-bop” today. Here goes nothing. We’ll see if I can explain anything with my broken, but improving Castiliano (Spanish).

I truly adore my family. I have two younger siblings again, Ailyn (Aileen) and Fran (short for Franklyn). Ailyn is four or five years older than Fran who is four turning five here soon. She takes really good care of him, and is more responsible at nine than many young adults I know. My mom was missing for my first couple of days here, and Ailyn took really good care of me also bringing me coffee and lunch. I certainly saw the humor in my nine-year-old sister taking care of my 27-year-old self. I think I’m going to get an insight into what it must have been like watching Mardy (my older sister) and me grow up. Ailyn takes great care of Fran, and Fran is just rambunctious. My “parents” are so wonderful. Again my mom is almost my age. Giovanni is younger than my previous host mom, Loly. Maximo is a teacher in a local school. They are the sweetest most accommodating people I know. They have been very generous with me.

I’ve been practicing yoga every morning as some sort of exercise seeing as last time I stepped on a scale I needed to lose at the minimum 15 pounds. At the most 25, but that’s not my greatest concern as I am trying to be as polite as possible, even if that means eating way more carbs in one sitting than a person would need in a week. I’m taking a multi-vitamin too, as I am just not getting enough fruits and vegetables in my diet. I also finished the final Harry Potter, and now I know I need to go back and read all of them. I don’t know what that has to do with anything, just wanted to put a word out that if you would like to discuss the book…email me.

I have also begun my research. Part of our job description gives us three months to research our community and then report back to Peace Corps at “Re-connect” (our three month gathering with trainers and staff). Catilluc is a great place, but it has its share of problems. When I get down, I just remind myself that I have yet to work the perfect job and this place isn’t any better or worse than working in the States – rats aside. All in all, I will truly start researching next week.

Please note the address on the side of my blog. I know it’s expensive, but if you can send a letter or a package it would be really nice. If you can send a package (I’m not picky, send anything), please write “regalo” on the outside and send it through standard USPS mail. Don’t send expensive stuff or electronics (not that you would). Any mail, email or snail mail is appreciated. You guys are the best.

Peru and Beyond

2007-05-19T12:09:00.001-06:00

I know I haven't written in this blog in awhile, and truly, I've been struggling a little too much spiritually to even attempt to be righteous. But I needed the humbling and that humbling has been incredibly beneficial. Now, I can't just wax pretentious about Godly things that I know nothing about and don't understand. I'm ready to get to a place where I'm stable in Christ again. My foundation was shaken this year - potentially in the best way possible. I don't see anything the same anymore. My world, my life, my ministry have changed - again. But I'm glad, and the next few months will be telling as I head to Peru away from my family and friends and the people who have been supportive. So pray for me. I'll need it.

Music speaks

2006-12-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

I found this song and I really appreciate the message:

God's Been Good To Me
(Keith Urban)

Well I can't believe I'm sittin' here today
Picking on my banjo with a big smile on my face
Writin' new words to an old school melody
Hey there ain't no doubt that God's been good to me

Oh the sun is shinin' on down in Tennessee [the Garden City]
And right now where I'm right where I wanna be
I've never felt so loved, so peaceful and so free
Hey there ain't no doubt that God's been good to me

'Cause he put me smack dab in the middle of Paradise
In the heart of the city where my dreams have come alive
And everything I have, and everything I see
Is just another reminder that God's been good to me

This golden road's been long
And sometimes I've lost my way
I've been down some darkened detours
Leanin' heavy on my faith
But where the devil had me chained
Lord your love done set me free
Hallelujah! God's been good to me

'Cause he put me smack dab in the middle of Paradise
In the heart of the city where my dreams have come alive
And everything I have, and everything I see
Is just another reminder that God's been good to me

'Cause he put me smack dab in the middle of Paradise
In the heart of the city where my dreams have come alive
And everything I have, and everything I see
Is just another reminder that God's been good to me

Isn't it amazing when we have those reminders of God's goodness. I know that I've been struggling lately, but when I'm with my friends or walking down the street there are always reminders that God's been good to me. I think this song also shows how perspective weighs into our emotional health. A choice is being made to see the good in things. A choice is being made to hold on to your faith when it feels like all around you is either crumbling or tearing you down. But there are difficult times, yet God is still good.

Just Re-Married!

2006-09-08T21:24:00.000-06:00

"Do you now know brethren - for I am speaking to those who know the law - that the law is binding on a person only during his life? Thus a married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives; but if her husband dies she is discharged from the law concerning the husband. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

Likewise, my brethren, you have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead in order that we may bear fruit for God" (Romans 7:1-4, RSV).

Normally, when I read this passage in Romans, I focus on the subject of a widowed person and God's gracious freedom for that person to remarry. Today something new jumped out at me. I was struck by the last verse (4). The truth is we have died to the law which means that we are free to marry another, and that other should be Christ. I feel like sometimes I marry the world. I marry the ideas and thoughts of those that I am around the most. If I am totally submerged in the world and what it offers, I get married to the ideas that I encounter. But this passage is a reminder that my life in the world is dead. I can remarry. And the most profitable marriage would be to him who was raised from the dead - Jesus. Why? So that fruit can be produced for God's glory.

I propose (get it) that we have a second ceremony declaring our love for our new husband. For our old "love" has died, and Prince Charming (in the flesh/spirit/soul) has come along.

What's in a name?

2006-07-03T08:10:00.000-06:00

Why this blog is called "Mysterious Eminence"...

My Prayer Life sups!

2006-04-07T10:46:00.000-06:00

Busy-ness. I can't believe how much of my spiritual life I let slip away from me because I get too busy. You know what suffers the most in my spiritual walk? My prayer life. So the following is a list of people or things I have realized I have forgotten to pray about, in some cases for months:

My friend who is in overseas ministry, who is about to return overseas and is currently struggling with foot pain and surgery.

My friend also in ministry, but in a Southern state, who recently had her car stolen.

A friend, locally, who is still learning the true meaning of following the Lord.

My friend, and Kenyan national, who is recently married and living in a struggling economy.

The above friend's family, who were like my family when I was in Africa.

My friend a missionary in Africa who was recently married and is now waiting on God to hear of their new ministry assignment.

A student in my youth group who recently came to know the Lord - this is the critical ICU time of walking with God.

The student from my youth group who I disciple once a week. Sometimes it seems like this student is not progressing, and is only learning the ways of the nominal Christian.

My friend who has had several knee surgeries and God is really growing a new life.

My co-workers many of whom do not know Christ.

My Pastor - we should all, always being praying for our Pastors and their families.

The members of my church who do not know Christ. There are more than one would suspect, I bet.

The leaders and teachers of my church that they would continue to grow in Christ and lead and disciple their flocks effectively.

A family of missionaries in Thailand who work on helping young women get out of brothels and bar work.

This is just a few, but I'm amazed at how little I really seem to care about these issues. If I really cared about these things, I would pray more seriously. Where is the disconnect?

"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. "Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."
John 17:13-26 Jesus' prayer for Believers

Let Us Rejoice

2006-02-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

I remember singing this hymn as a little girl. "This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it. This is the day...this is the day...this is the day that the Lord. Has. Made." So I've known this verse without knowing how to reference it for years. But this morning when I woke up, God placed this on my heart. But unlike the past 19 years, it was different. Call me crazy, but for the first time I understood why this verse was so necessary for the day.

You see, I've been incredibly stressed out lately. I've seen more stress in the past three days than I've seen in the last three years. So what was God telling me by whispering this verse to me at 7:48 am? Perhaps telling me that he was there with me. That he was tracking with me, and he understood what I was dealing with. Yet more than that he was reminding me that he made today. The good, the bad, the ugly, the exotic and wildly beautiful has all been included to draw me closer to him. I rejoice not because the day is great. That's not what the Psalm says. I rejoice because He made it.

Balance?.!

2005-12-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

One of the challenges of walking the Christian life is trying to find balance. Sometimes balance is nothing but an excuse to do the things we want to do without truly obeying God. It can seem that we compromise too much with the world and what it desires of us. A half sin, is still a sin.

...You can't have it both ways, banqueting with the Master one day and slumming with demons the next. Besides, the Master won't put up with it. He wants us--all or nothing. Do you think you can get off with anything less?
Looking at it one way, you could say, "Anything goes. Because of God's immense generosity and grace, we don't have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster." But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.
1 Corinthians 10:21-24 (The Message)

The goal is to be the person who accepts God's grace while allowing the Holy Spirit to mold and make us into stronger disciples of Christ. And the key (once again) is the Holy Spirit. Because to try to cure our sins on our own, is to believe that we have the capability of buying our own salvation. This has become such a great lie in the Christian world, that we can work our sins away.

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.
Romans 12:3 (The Message)

I don't think I have much to add to that. Sometimes (okay, most of the time), The Bible says it so much better.

Few and Far Between

2005-10-26T13:59:00.000-06:00

There's really no good excuse for not writing in over a month. Things have been going really well. God has been challenging me in new and exciting ways. He's endowing upon me the power of the Holy Spirit. My roommate and I have decided to start memorizing scripture verses together. This past week's was:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of his power." Ephesians 6:10

This week's is:

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

In my church we are memorizing 1 John 4:10:

"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins."

And yes we do have to memorize it with propitiation instead of atoning sacrifice.

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I love scripture memorization. It gives me something to think about during idle times. It keeps me from being David in 2 Samuel 11: 1, "In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem."

Obviously David was not where he should have been. And so often in life, I find myself in the same place. Not where I should be. Especially in my mind. So I've learned as Psalm 119:11 states, "I keep your word in my heart, so that I will not sin against you." Meditation on God's scripture can happen at any time and any place if we carry the proper tools with us. I have thought endlessly about the Lord's prayer recently. And I have decided that, "Your Kingdom come, your will be done," is my new meditative "mantra". God draws us closer to him, and closer to understanding when we take the time to memorize simple but powerful verses from the word. I've heard of people who say they can't memorize and won't memorize, but that's the wrong attitude. God can help us memorize, and it's important. It's hard to send others off to spiritual war when we decide that we're just going to hang out in Jerusalem. I hope that this new discipline will draw me closer to the heart of God, and I wish that for all believers.

Fruit of the Spirit

2005-09-09T10:08:00.000-06:00

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

Has anyone ever had a day when they felt like they possessed all 9 of the fruits of the spirit? When was s/he loving, joyful, kind, good, patient, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled? I know I sure haven't. I'll go through seasons where I am able to focus on a few. For example, currently, I am in possession of joy, peace, faithfulness and self-control, but I know I'm not the point where I'm loving people well or waiting patiently for the plans God has for me. And I'm definitely not as good to others as I should be.

I struggle with these thoughts because I focus on the fruits and lose sight of the Spirit. The truth is none of this fruit is possible without the gracious work of the Holy Spirit. If I am not living dependent to God and the working of the Holy Spirit, I do not truly know what it means to be in possession of the fruit. My small group has been studying the book and Ephesians, and I've been humbled by the submissive spirit Paul had before the throne of God's power. He realized that achievement of spiritual fruit was not done through one's own accord.

"Of this gospel I was made a minister according to the gift of God's grace, which was given me by the working of his power." Ephesians 3:7

Ephesians 3 goes on to say:

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being..." Ephesians 3:14-16

We are strengthened for the battle only through the power of the Holy Spirit. I shall "bow my knee before the Father" in order to be used as a vessel for the fruits of the spirit.

Cruel Summer

2005-07-25T21:12:00.000-06:00

It has been such a trying summer. I've been up. I've been down. I've been a lot "in between." I'm so sick of sitting at the edge of what seems to be a life. I feel in limbo and completely discontent of all that has happened and hasn't happened. And I know I'm not alone. Several friends have said that their summer has been the same way. A lot of nothing.

It's been difficult to get motivated to read my Bible, let alone to write this blog. And yet, something in the back of my head screams to me to write like I know I can. To write all that I'm feeling and thinking. And something in the front of me builds up walls that prevent me from doing anything at all. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

The truth is, God is still present. In the midst of this nothingness I can sense Him waiting patiently for me to put aside the world that hinders and holds me back, in order to truly embrace Him. I'll confess, I'm not entirely ready to do that. But prayer is more powerful and abundant than ever and so is His grace.

Short Term Missions - the Aftermath

2005-07-14T11:32:00.000-06:00

Here's an interesting question I found on the Christianity Today website. I included the link in case any one is interested in reading more.

I can attest that I worry about this very thing.

Do STM (Short Term Mission ) youth experience vocational change?When young people go on these STMs, does it have any impact on their future career choice or church service? I've known some college students who did secular semester-abroad programs that changed their lives and directions of their careers (e.g. toward NGOs or other types of nonprofit humanitarian agencies). Does participating in STMs result in greater involvement in long-term mission work, or other vocational Christian work, or involvement in lay ministries in the home churches?-Maria L. Boccia, Chapel Hill, N.C.

Dear Maria,
This is an interesting question and one that is especially relevant for me since my wife and I run a semester-abroad program in Honduras for Calvin College. Students come down to Honduras for four months and we do our best, with God's help, to share our passion for creating a Honduras and a world more pleasing to God—more just, less poor, and filled with more people truly knowing and serving him. We have seen many students change their majors and careers goals based on their experience. I think the time here is very powerful for all of them.
But then they return to the United States, to their busy life with friends, family, studies, a consumerist culture, and churches that do not often emphasize these issues. Their experiences have lent support to my belief that we all need encouragement and accountability if we're to turn powerful experiences into lasting change.
Two students may leave Honduras equally motivated and "changed," but the ones who returns to their old group of friends without staying in touch with their Honduras friends or joining a group with similar interests is unlikely to seem much difference after a few months. The ones who stay in touch and get involved in a social justice or mission group on campus will often end up making even more radical changes than they talked about in Honduras. So I think the young person who does a STM trip for only one or two weeks would need even more support in making sure those weaker impulses translate into action.
Kurt

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/128/13.0.html

It's so good to be back!

2005-06-28T11:30:00.000-06:00

So I have finally returned from my travels. Life is great. The plane rides were long, but all in all, you can't beat meeting up with the family you haven't seen in six years.

Crazy things happen while you're away though. Recently a friend of mine, we'll call her Elizabeth, was in a freak accident. She was driving along Main street (a one way, two-lane street) on her motorcycle when a car cut across both lanes to find a good parking place. In the process the driver of the car gave Elizabeth just enough time to respond by hitting her front break, which helped because when Elizabeth's motorcycle hit the car, the forward motion propelled her over the car and on to the ground. Can we say "near death experience"? If Elizabeth hadn't flipped over the car, she would have broken her neck slamming into the car. But luckily she walked away from the accident with only a few bruises.

It makes you think. See, Elizabeth is my age, which contrary to popular belief, is not that old. It certainly makes me stop and think about how unimportant we are in the grand scheme of things. And believe you me, we are insignificant. Luckily though, if we know God, we find an all-powerful being who finds us and cares for us in the midst of our insignificance. With out him we are left to the random lane crossers of this world. With him we overcome tragic accidents.

Goin' Away

2005-06-01T09:58:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm leaving for a few weeks, so this will be my last post in awhile. In fact, the reason I haven't posted in awhile is because I've been so busy with preparations, etc. And I'll be honest, my Bible has sadly been neglected. In truth, I read Psalm 119 recently and just kept asking God, what is so great about the word? I know that seems like a silly question, but sometimes the word doesn't come across as the greatest. Yet, I'm discovering during this time that word proves itself when we take the time to encounter it, and truly encounter. Dive in, and see what it's all about.

So why'll I'm away for the next few weeks, let's check it out together. What do you say?

His Greatness is Ours

2005-05-23T16:26:00.000-06:00

"When Queen Victoria was a child, she didn't realize that she was in line for the throne of England. Her instructors, trying to prepare her for the future, were frustrated because they couldn't motivate her. She just didn't take her studies seriously. Finally, her teachers decided to tell her that one day she would become the queen of England. Upon hearing this, Victoria quietly said, 'Then I will be good.' The realization that she had inherited this high calling gave her a sense of responsibility that profoundly affected her conduct from that day forward. "

I love the movie The Incredibles, and I don't know how many people notice, but that movie shows the way we celebrate mediocrity. When I think back to my years as a teacher, I think of how frustrating it was to see students not strive for good grades and knowledge because they thought they'll make it big in music or sports. All of that is fine, but what about being the best at everything you do. So often we look at the Christian life as if it's a struggle to survive. We pick and choose what we will be good at. I'm going to go to church every Sunday, but I don't have time to spend daily reading the Bible with the Holy Spirit. Or I love musical worship, but I don't know how to pray. Why do we celebrate mediocrity even in the midst of the spiritual life?

Here's a little secret for us all: God completes us. He makes us the best we can be, if and only if, we are willing to allow him to use us for his good. We don't have to pick and choose from the Christian-walk-buffet. We can trust God in all that we are and live in the greatness of his sacrifice, his son, Jesus. Let's strive to spend time in all ways, at all hours, seeking his greatness for our lives.

When the Praise Runs Out

2005-05-16T14:16:00.000-06:00

"Praise the Lord, all you nations!
Extol him, all you peoples!
For great is his steadfast love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord!"

Psalm 117

I had a rough week last week. For some reason, Thursday was the worst day I've experienced in months. And it certainly started pretty early, by the time I had walked to work from the bus station I was almost in tears. But you know what I learned? When I'm feeling down, praise is a good place to start. I sadly forgot this theme for the first part of my Thursday, but I haven't forgotten it since. My life still isn't looking so pretty, but whenever I get down, I turn to the Psalms and you know what I find, writers who know exactly what I'm talking about.

"I love the Lord, because he has heard
my voice and my supplications...

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;
our God is merciful.
The Lord protects the simple;
when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return, O my soul, to your rest,
for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

For you have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
I walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
I kept my faith, even when I said,
'I am greatly afflicted';
I said in consternation,
'Everyone is a liar.'

What shall I return to the Lord
for all his bounty to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord,
I will pay my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people."

Psalm 116:1 & 5-14

God's Calling

2005-05-13T11:13:00.000-06:00

Here's something to think about from Jon Ball InterVarsity staff in Greater Los Angeles.

"Is calling a biblical concept? Moses and David were not called by God to be shepherds, Jesus received no call to be a carpenter, nor Peter to be a fisherman, nor Paul to be a tentmaker. The Bible primarily uses 'calling' to refer to God calling us to himself, as Jesus did when he said, 'Follow me.' Mark continues, ' And immediately he called them; and they...followed him' (Mark 1:16-20)."

And to think all these years I thought discerning God's calling on my life meant where my career should take me. It's interesting to discover that "calling" really only has to do with God's call on our ministry-active lives.
I had an interesting discussion with my father the other day. He said he needed to get back into golfing because he didn't know what else he would do when he retired. I sweetly and demurely said, "ministry." I didn't get the response I expected. My dad looked like he swallowed a bitter spoon of peanut butter. Because he's my father, 6'2 and intimidating (former football linebacker), I didn't push the subject, but it left me a little unsure. I think my father thought that I meant he should go to seminary and become a Pastor, which of course, was not what I meant in the least. By ministry I mean that thing which God calls all of us to in different ways during different seasons. In truth, my father should have some form of ministry now. As should we all. Everyone has a ministry. It can change (and probably will), but ministry never ceases. Whether it's "big" (foreign mission field, Pastoral, etc.) or "small" (Sunday School teaching, prayer phone tree liaison, etc.) it's valuable to the body of believers. And God wants us to be a part of it.
Ball continues, "occasionally a calling is an assignment: Abraham was called not to a job, but to a place; or more specifically, to the task of leaving his home and going to a place God would show him (Genesis 12:1). Paul was chosen to preach to the Gentiles (Acts 9:15-16). A few of us may receive a specific "calling," like Paul, but that often has little bearing on choosing a job, a spouse, or a church. However, we're all called to be disciples of Jesus, which means learning from him and obeying him wherever we find ourselves in life."
Often we think calling has to do with how we are going to make our money. What are we going to do with the rest of our lives, and so on. Why do we box God in like that? He wants us for himself, not that we don't do evangelism and ministry type of work in our day-to-day business and money making jobs, but there are so many opportunities to directly serve him at the church, parachurch, and missions levels. It's not that I think God doesn't care about where we work, on the contrary, we are to be salt and light wherever God has placed us (Matthew 5:13-16) and that is an act of "following him." Yet, we are also called into service for him. We are called to serve the church (think all followers of Christ as the church in this context). If we don't take care of each other, what do others care about being a part of God's family.
So as we continue to listen to God (read: I continue to listen to God) maybe we shouldn't be looking for some kind of cosmic career head hunter, but more for someone who wants to draw us closer to himself and to serve him in all the capacities he desires of us. That's a pretty cool calling.

Inside My Morning Quiet Time

2005-05-10T11:03:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself and my ability to completely lose my sanity. I was reading my Becoming a Vessel God Can Use book this morning and the author, Donna Partow, had some questions to ask. Now these are very important questions, but I was really struggling with my answers. Here's how it looked.

Donna's question: If you were to die tomorrow, what do you want people to remember? Write whatever comes to mind.

Ari's response: I don't really want to die tomorrow, but I want to be remembered as someone who loved the Lord...I hope these questions get a little more specific because this isn't really helping.

Donna's next question: What do you feel passionately about? If the subject comes up you perk up and can't stop talking?

Ari's response: Um, what don't I feel passionately about? And when has anyone ever gotten me to shut up. More importantly, what if I feel passionate about something, but say, have no motivation to do anything about it. Then I've got bigger problems than expected.

Donna's third question: When you go to a bookstore or library, what section do you drift toward?

Ari's response: Well let me see, in the last six months I have read Max Lucado, Rick Warren, a book about a woman who murdered her kids, a romance novel about a woman having an affair with Che Guverra, an allegory about the holocaust told in the form of the Fairy Tale, Sleeping Beauty, and I'm currently reading a business book called Built to Last. Oh, and my sister got me addicted to this literature rich, science fiction series about a Detective who can jump into classic novels to solve mysteries. Um...that narrows it down.

Donna's question: What do people compliment you about? What activities do you excel in?

Ari's response: I've been told I'll make a good wife and mother someday (nothing on the horizon). I used to be able to play basketball with some kind of skill, but I don't know that I could anymore. I can't remember a whole lot of compliments lately, except for the ususal you have nice hair or a nice outfit...oh and I'm a fast typer.

Donna's question: What did you dream of doing when you were ten years old? Think back. You may just discover that that little girl knew a lot more about who God created you to be than you realize.

Ari's response: I can barely remember ten - there have been so many things I've wanted to do all my life, but I'm pretty sure I wanted my own TV show. Yet, I'm not sure how that translates into ministry.

Donna's sixth question: If you could do one activity, all day, every day, for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Ari's response: If I had to do one thing every day, all day for the rest of my life, I'm pretty sure I would want to kill myself. How boring. How mundane. Sorry Donna - I'm afraid I'm somewhat of a disappointment in this little quiz.

Donna's final question: Has God laid a special burden on your heart - for a group of people, a country, a ministry? Maybe you made a special vow to him at a youth camp long ago. It's likely that God has tried, many times in many ways, to communicate your life mission. Reflect.

Ari's response: Okay, now we're to the heart of the matter. I do believe that God has tried many, many, many times in many, many, many ways to communicate my life mission to me, but what if I'm scared of the response? What if God really does just want me to do one thing, all day, every day of my life. That's scary. Or what if the task is less than meaningful to me? It's not unheard of in the Christian faith. I guess the truth is, I'm not ready for the truth. So it's back to my knees.

Alleviates Bad Moods

2005-05-04T12:08:00.000-06:00

"Gladden the soul of your servant. For to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul." Psalm 86:4

I can tell you this verse has been a life saver to me lately. Whenever I get down I just repeat this phrase over and over again either out loud or to myself. And whenever I do, I feel better. That's the power of meditation.

I don't even know what the verse means, but I've been meditating on it for two weeks. I'm pretty sure I'm just reading a little to deeply into it, but I can't help but think there is so much more beneath the surface, if I could just unlock it. What does it mean to have your soul gladdened? The NIV translation says "Bring joy," but for some reason I like the idea of gladdening. Why do we need to have God gladden it, if we're going to lift it up to him anyway?

Encarta defines gladden as, "to feel or cause somebody to feel cheerful and hopeful." So maybe what this passage is saying is: "Give hope to your servant, for you, Lord are in control." Teach me to trust in you, Lord. Teach me to meditate on your word.

God Still Speaks

2005-05-03T11:16:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been frustrated by God's lack of communication? Have you ever thought to yourself, 'if God would just tell me what he wants from me...?' The thing is God does talk to us...we just don't listen. Numbers 22:21-41 recounts the story of Balaam and his donkey.

Balaam got up in the morning. He put a saddle on his donkey. Then he went with the princes of Moab.
But God was very angry when Balaam went. So the angel of the Lord stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey. His two servants were with him. The donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road. The angel was holding a sword. He was ready for battle. So the donkey left the road and went into a field. Balaam hit the donkey. He wanted to get it back on the road.
Then the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path. The path went between two vineyards. There were walls on both sides. The donkey saw the angel of the Lord. So it moved close to the wall. It crushed Balaam's foot against the wall. He hit the donkey again.
Then the angel of the Lord moved on ahead. He stood in a narrow place. There was no room to turn, either right or left. The donkey saw the angel of the Lord. So it lay down under Balaam. That made him angry. He hit the donkey with his walking stick.
Then the Lord opened the donkey's mouth. It said to Balaam, "What have I done to you? Why did you hit me those three times?"
Balaam answered the donkey. He said, "You have made me look foolish! I wish I had a sword in my hand. If I did, I'd kill you right now."
The donkey said to Balaam, "I'm your own donkey. I'm the one you have always ridden. Haven't you been riding me to this very day? Have I ever made you look foolish before?"
"No," he said.
Then the Lord opened Balaam's eyes. He saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road. He saw that the angel was holding a sword. The angel was ready for battle. So Balaam bowed down. He fell with his face to the ground.
The angel of the Lord spoke to him. He asked him, "Why have you hit your donkey three times? I have come here to oppose you. What you are doing is foolish. The donkey saw me. It turned away from me three times. Suppose it had not turned away. Then I would certainly have killed you by now. But I would have spared the donkey."
Balaam spoke to the angel of the Lord. He said, "I have sinned. I didn't realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Tell me whether you are pleased with me. If you aren't, I'll go back."
The angel of the Lord spoke to Balaam. He said, "Go with the men. But say only what I tell you to say." So Balaam went with the princes of Balak.

God spoke to Balaam through a donkey! A donkey! How much ignoring of God do you have to do in order for God to use a donkey to speak to you. I'm learning a lot about silence and meditation and how important those two practices are to hearing God. If I could just set aside 30 minutes a day, I would learn to hear God in every and any situation, because in truth our God is not silent...we just ignore him.

Lord?

2005-04-27T14:19:00.000-06:00

“It was nothing more and nothing less than a simple meeting of Paul with Jesus. That ended Paul's struggle; that ended his resistance. From that day on this remarkable man became a bond slave of Jesus Christ; he was mastered by Jesus. There in Jesus he met God; he met the Son of God; he met Someone who had a complete claim on his life. He met his Creator - his Savior - his Mediator.

There was no longer any argument or room for discussion. He laid down his life at Jesus’ feet, and said, “Lord, I'm Yours. What do You want me to do? What are Your orders? I'm Yours.” He had never called Jesus "Lord" before that time, but in that one word you see Paul's transformation.” – Paul Lindell

Talk to God for just one second, but all I want you to say is, “Lord.” It’s a powerful word, if you really think about the meaning of what you are saying. When we allow God to be the Lord of our life, we’re asking to be his servants. That’s some tough stuff. Who wants to be someone else’s servant, and yet how many times do we want the answers and direction to everything. “Will someone just tell me what I should do with my life?” “Should I date/marry this person?” “Should I do thing A or thing B?”

A few minutes ago, I said to God that one word, “Lord.” For some reason it was powerful, because I understood it in the terms that Paul understood it. That it’s not a light title we banter around like Ms., Mrs., Sugar-pants, whatever. It’s not a statement, it’s a request that God will take control. That he is in control. And it’s not easy to say. It may take some practice, and even then it will be a long time before any of us master it. But God is good and he will take the responsibility of being our Lord seriously. He will not leave us, nor forsake us. He is a good Lord and Master, if we just allow him to be.

Be still...

2005-04-20T12:36:00.000-06:00

"Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord" Exodus 14:13

Pretty good advice considering how much work I always feel I have to do to actually see the salvation of the Lord. I put so much pressure on myself "to do," "to accomplish," "to succeed" at everything, but that's not God's call on our life. The call is to allow God to work through us. Now I'm not advocating the sit there and do nothing mentality. God is not lax, but he should be in control. I need to remember that he, not me, is the key to salvation. And he does not need me, but he loves me - and that is even greater.

Bison

2005-04-18T15:45:00.000-06:00

This Saturday I was at church working on one of the many neglected bulletin boards in the church when some of my friends invited me along to go to the Bison Range outside of Ravalli. I didn't have anything better to do, so I thought why not? I jumped in the big Suburban and the 7 of us were off on an adventure.

When is the last time you were available to just spend time with people? Have you booked our schedule so solid that if Jesus wanted a quick visit, you'd be too busy? I know that I have, and I'm so thankful for the fun and rewarding times I get that are not scheduled.

We had such a blast cruising around checking out the bison. They really are neat animals, and very large. Currently, they are supposed to be in the birthing season, but we didn't get to see any give birth, but that's okay. We did get to eat Bison burgers and throw a Frisbee around an outhouse. What great stories to be able to share with each other down the road.

Interrupted Plans by Elisabeth Elliott

2005-04-12T13:37:00.000-06:00

I thought this was a great add-on to yesterday's blog. I can't tell you how many times I've made plans that weren't God's. Good thing he's in control because he always knows best.

We like things to go smoothly and as planned. Very often unexpected things intervene, and our plans go awry. We think we've got "problems." There is another level at which everything that happens is being engineered. "God has no problems," Corrie ten Boom said, "only plans." When ours are interrupted, his are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable) "toward the goal of true maturity" (Rom 12:2 JBP). Believe God. Turn the interruptions over to Him. He is at the controls.

When God Interrupts

2005-04-11T17:18:00.000-06:00

Sometimes the church life seems as busy as school. If I get even slightly involved in a Bible Study, Small Group, or Sunday School class, I get overwhelmed with all of the extra work that comes with it. I am currently the happy participant of a Sunday School class studying the gospel of John, a Wednesday night study of Colossians, a Church-wide study of The Purpose Drive Life, my own personal study of Becoming a Vessel God Can Use, not to mention I have bookmarks in both Deuteronomy and Pslams, and I'm reading the Apocrypha - currently in Sirach. That's a lot to try to keep up with, and this morning when I was complaining to my mentor about all my "homework" (and now that I have it in writing, I realize it really is a lot) I felt awful. I mean there is a lot of hardwork on the part of a lot of people to get these programs up and running for the people that need them. I also learned today, that it's really about finding the importance in other people more than telling other people I habe it in me.

"Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal's death on a cross." Philippians 2:3-8 (NLT)

What a wake up call! I really need to let go of my selfish ambition, my way and my rights. None of them matter when we look at all of the selfish ambition tossed aside by Christ on the cross. So all of those activities I participate in are more about mission than they are about ego. It's not about me and what I get out of them, it's about those around me and how can I love on them.

I found this prayer today from a 17th Century Nun, and I hope to pray it every day of my life (with meaning and truth):

17th Century Nun's Prayer

Lord, thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older
And someday will be old.
Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something
On every subject on every occasion. R
elease me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.
Make me thoughtful but not moody, helpful but not bossy.
With my vast store of wisdom it seems a pity not to use it all,
But thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.
Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details;
Give me wings to get to the point!
Seal my lips of my aches and pains - they are increasing
And the love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.
Keep me reasonably sweet; but know that I do not want to be a saint just yet -
Some of them are so hard to live with.
Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places,
And talents in unexpected people.
And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.
Amen.

Down with Fast Food Christianity!

2005-04-08T11:21:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I started to write this great blog…and then the site crashed. Aggh. So I’ve learned my lesson. From now on all posts will be written and saved to Word, then transferred to the weblog. Not that any of you are concerned, just an explanation for my frustrations with all of this.

So as I was saying yesterday:

A friend of mine inadvertently misquoted Joyce Meyers the other day. She said, “Do not make a 20 day wander out of a 40 day journey.” Ms Meyers said it in reverse, but something about this sentence really connected with me. How often in these crazy times do we try to brush off working through things with God? We have become such consumers of the “fast food” mentality. I want things now. I want my burger now. I want my family now. I want my frustrations solved now. Yet, if don’t take time to really process these trials with God, I’m afraid we’re never really going to learn anything. Take Hebrews 6:1 for example: “Therefore let us go on toward perfection, leaving behind the basic teaching about Christ, and not laying again the foundation…” God wants a deeper relationship with us. Why do we want a Fast Food God?

When we make a 20-day wander out a 40-day journey, we end up playing a game of spiritual dodge ball. Whoop God ya missed me. Dang, that one hurt, but that’s okay I’ll get back in the game eventually. Life with God is so much better when we really invest in the times that he teaches us something. Lately, I’ve been learning a lot about taking my time with God. In the midst of a difficult education God has shown a lot of mercy and care with my heart and my soul. In fact, in spite of the pain, I’m finding that I would rather feel pain than the “blahs.” Oh the dreaded “blahs” of spirituality. We’ve all been there, walking through life in a daze, numbed by TV or Video games or any number of things, and one day we wake up and cry out to God we just want to feel something, anything!

So next time you tell someone that you aren’t doing so well, and they brush you off with don’t worry things will get better, I give you permission to slug them. Okay, maybe not slug them, but ignore them. We don’t need fast food solutions to our spiritual minds. We need a God who will walk tenderly with us in all situations, even if it’s a 40-day journey.

“And we want each one of you to show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope to the very end, so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” Hebrews 6:11-12

We Adore Thee

2005-04-06T15:33:00.000-06:00

"These verses are simple expressions of common Christian feelings and desires in this present time, hymns of today that may be sung together by people who know the thought of the age, and are not afraid that any truth of science will destroy their religion or that any revolution on earth will overthrow the kingdom of heaven. Therefore these are hymns of trust and hope."

These words are from Henry van Dyke the lyricist about the famous hymn "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee." He wrote the words and set them to "Hymn of Joy" from Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. I can't think of a song more eloquent in stating the joy and glory we experience walking in the light of God.

1. Joyful, joyful, we adore thee,
God of glory, Lord of love;
hearts unfold like flowers before thee,
opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;
drive the dark of doubt away.
Giver of immortal gladness,
fill us with the light of day!

2. All thy works with joy surround thee,
earth and heaven reflect thy rays,
stars and angels sing around thee,
center of unbroken praise.
Field and forest, vale and mountain,
flowery meadow, flashing sea,
chanting bird and flowing fountain,
call us to rejoice in thee.

3. Thou art giving and forgiving,
ever blessing, ever blest,
well-spring of the joy of living,
ocean depth of happy rest!
Thou our Father, Christ our brother,
all who live in love are thine;
teach us how to love each other,
lift us to the joy divine.

4. Mortals, join the mighty chorus
which the morning stars began;
love divine is reigning o'er us,
binding all within its span.
Ever singing, march we onward,
victors in the midst of strife;
joyful music leads us sunward,
in the triumph song of life.

I'll admit that sometimes it is difficult to find the "joy" in the midst of the difficult, but maybe that's because we define joy improperly. Joy really has nothing to do with happiness. Joy is a state of being where as happiness is a fleeting feeling. You can have both joy and happiness, and you can have neither. Yet, you can't have happiness without joy. As we walk in the Way we need to learn to be joyous. As Paul said in Philippians 4:4, "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice!" Rejoice is an interesting choice. I mean James writes, "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds." But Paul says rejoice, as in, being ecstatic with joy.

I guess that heats things up a bit.

American Idols

2005-04-04T12:04:00.000-06:00

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.” Deuteronomy 5:8-10

I’ve been studying the book of Deuteronomy lately (out of some crazy desire to read the Pentateuch backwards), and I’m amazed at how much Moses dedicates to the discussion of idols. Like a lawyer laying out his case Moses uses every line of reasoning to denote the practice of idolatry. And he has cause to be concerned. Moses spends an amazing time with God on Mount Sinai receives the 10 Commandments (which includes the above scripture) and upon his return he finds the Israelites worshipping a Golden Calf which they themselves have made. Not a great track record.

Yet, I find it hard to condemn the Israelites because I, like them, have created idols. Now I have never built an idol in the physical realm, but I have constructed quite a few in the spiritual realm. When I look at the Deuteronomy passage I notice that God says don’t “make yourself an idol in the form of anything.” Lately, I’ve been amazed at all of the lies the enemy uses to build up a museum of idols in my life. My idols could include, but are not limited to, fame, beauty, knowledge, wealth, etc. I think about all the lies I believe about success and the “American Dream” and realize that it creates fantasies in my heart that are not Christ-centered. That is an idol.

“Who shapes a god and casts an idol, which can profit him nothing?” Isaiah 44:10

Of course there are plenty of references to idols and idolatry in the Bible, but I thought this verse in Isaiah 44 makes a good point. What profit comes from an idol? Nothing…there is a zero return on all idol investments. You do not pass go, you do not collect 200 dollars. You just continue to live the lie, unaware of how much time and heart you are losing that could be God’s.

The Bible makes it pretty clear what sinful nature includes:

“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." Galatians 5:19-21

This is a tough verse, but God never ends with the tough stuff. He always gives us the good to help:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.” Galatians 5:22-24

Answers to Prayer

2005-03-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever just needed to see God in the tangible? I do right now...So I want to hear how God is answering prayers in each of your lives. If you are willing (and you can post anonymously) will you share how God is working and listening to you when you need to conference with him? I would love to hear praises of The Mysterious Eminence from his working in each of your lives.

I'll start:

Lately, I've been a little "blue." I've felt very unloved, but sitting in church one day I could kind of hear God laughing. Obviously, no one else heard this little chuckle, but I did. And I felt him just say to me, "You think that I don't love you...Look around...Think about it. You have all of these people who want to listen to you and care about your day-to-day happenings." I probably started to cry, because I realized just how bratty I was acting, but God took it in stride. His grace is sufficient for me.

InterVarsity Alumni Make Headlines - In a Good Way

2005-03-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

This is an amazing story! Check it out.

http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2005/03/27/news/local/news06.txt

Just think, what could we do for the people of Missoula (and around the world) that shows this much love?

And what about this?

http://www.intervarsity.org/news/news.php?item_id=1428

Think of all the potential out there.

Many Happy Returns

2005-03-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

Alright, I've had a crazy past two weeks so, I'm going to re-enter the blogging life-style with something I've wanted to post for awhile:

TOP TEN CHRISTIAN PICK-UP LINES
10. "I just don't feel called to celibacy."
9. "Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham?"
8. "I don't see it myself, but people tell me I look like Michael W. Smith."
7. "What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?"
6. "You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa." (DO NOT get this confused!)
5. "You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism."
4. "I'm pretty flexible--I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date."
3. "Before tonight, I never believed in predestination..."
2. "Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical."
1. "I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight."

TOP 10 LINES CHRISTIAN WOMEN USE TO BREAK-UP
10. "I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual."
9. "I'm sorry, it's just not God's will."
8. "I feel called to the ministry...very soon and very far from you as soon as possible."
7. "I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic."
6. "God loves me and must have a better plan for my life."
5. "You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother."
4. "At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together."
3. "You need someone with lower standards."
2. "I think we should just be prayer partners."
1. "I do love you, but it's just agape now."

Yes, we do have a sense of humor. Enjoy!

STRESS

2005-03-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how busy we can get that we completely toss God out of our lives. Like it's okay with God that he comes so low on our list. I know he has for me lately. Not by desire, but by being too tired. What an excuse. I often put my excuses in the mouth of Jesus before the cross. Can you imagine what life would be like if Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane had said, "You know my disciples have it right. I'm too tired to pray for my disciples [present and future]. I think I'll just sleep and not go to the cross today."

What a loving God that would be. I don't mean to make myself seem so lazy, but I'm having a hard time not disengaging from the things that I know teach me about Jesus. Sometimes it's just easier to walk away from those things that are tough...especially when we've turned God into a job. I did that recently. I felt like I had some kind of job to do when it came to Quiet Times and fasting and ministry. But the question that I've come back to lately is: Where was Jesus? It's not that he wasn't walking beside me. It's that I didn't care. I had a purpose. But my only true purpose is to let Jesus do his thing and pay attention. It's pretty simple. So I'm not sure why I make it so hard.

Jesus is the reason we do everything. If we're not in ministry because of Jesus, we are going to burn out and find everything wrong with the world. But if we abide in Christ...He will abide with us. John 15:4 says, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in me."

Another Little Something to Ponder

2005-03-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

Psalm 29

Ascribe to the LORD Glory
A Psalm of David.

Ascribe to the LORD, O heavenly beings, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness.

The voice of the LORD is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the LORD, over many waters.
The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is full of majesty.

The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars; the LORD breaks the cedars of Lebanon.
He makes Lebanon to skip like a calf, and Sirion like a young wild ox.

The voice of the LORD flashes forth flames of fire.
The voice of the LORD shakes the wilderness; the LORD shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.

The voice of the LORD makes the deer give birth and strips the forests bare,
and in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

The LORD sits enthroned over the flood; the LORD sits enthroned as king forever.
May the LORD give strength to his people! May the LORD bless his people with peace!

What a powerful God we serve. Let's not forget who controls the universe.

Krusty in Christ

2005-03-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

It's an old joke between my roommate and me, but when we first became roommates almost five years ago, we had an hour long conversation made from completely random statements. It went something like this.

"Did I ever tell you I could make fried rice?"

"I like puddin' pops."

"We should make leaf angels."

"Have you ever felt krusty in Christ?"

But our conversation was a lot longer than that. It stopped at the mention of being krusty in Christ. I'm not sure what the look on my face said, but I'm pretty sure it was a sight to see. We busted up. We laughed so hard for so long. Yet, the truth is I think we feel krusty in Christ more often then we'd like to admit.

I certainly felt that way yesterday. You know the feeling, where you just can't do it anymore. The feeling or lack of feeling that makes you give up hope. And you admonish God for sending such a perfect sacrifice for such a screwed up person. That's how I felt yesterday. So I started a new book (go figure - me read a book). It's called Becoming a Vessel God Can Use by Donna Partow. And it is really good. Here's a snipet:

"When I became a Christian," she writes, "I had very clear ideas about what my gifts were and how I could be useful to God. My attitude was: God has done so much for me, I want to do things for him in return. Now everybody stand back and watch me work. Unfortunately, my focus was on me and the great things I was going to accomplish for God, rather than on God and the great things he wanted to accomplish through me. Understanding the difference between those two approaches to ministry [will make all the difference in your life and ministry]."

I really identified with this quote this morning. I've been runnin' on my own strength for too long. It's time to get back to the heart of things, and talk to God. Let him take control.

A World of Ill-intent

2005-03-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

My name is Ari and I'm addicted to books.

Hi Ari.

It started when I was young. I don't mean to pass the blame, but my mother was always reading. She read to me. She read to herself. She read to other children. So, I was doomed. There was no way to get past it. I was going to be a reader too. My sister is an English teacher and although it took her longer to get the reading addiction, by the time she got to college Siddartha and Shoeless Joe had converted her to the dark side. For me, the addiction came young. I remember my first novel was Grandfather Frog, it has since been the only novel I've read twice. As a freshman in high school I read Les Miserables, Madame Bovary, and Anna Karenina. I graduated to Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities and a whole new world was opened up to me when a librarian told me I could read for fun. What about Les Mis is not already fun? So I began to read R.L. Stine and other meaningless books, but I didn't stray from Uncle Tom's Cabin or Jane Eyre.

I was in college when I read my first Christian book. And it was a divine and spiritural moment. I was in Barnes and Noble just minding my own business when a book jumped out at me, not literally. Inside Out by Dr. Larry Crabb is still high up on my list of all-time most intriguing books. I bring this up because books can become a distraction for me, as one has lately.

I'll admit, the true crime book intrigues me. I was rivited by Truman Capote's In Cold Blood and could barely handle Helter Skelter, but fascinating. My latest addiction: Small Sacrifices. The story of a mother who tries to kills her own children (and manages to kill one) so her lover will leave his wife and be with her. Her lover has no intention of leaving his wife. Oh man, is this woman messed up. She's abusive and manipulative especially to her children. It really makes me angry. I just look around this world, and read stories like this that make me realize that we live in a world of ill-intent. Humans make choices every day to do what is right or what is wrong.

I read this morning on the Reuters web page about a shooting of a judge, a court reporter, and possibly a baliff who were killed by a man on trial. Yesterday, I read of the suicide of the person who probably killed that judge's family from the aryan nation/cult trial. Scary stuff. There are earthquakes in Iran, tsunamis in the Indian Ocean, etc, etc. What to do with all of this information? Sometimes it can be too much. Do we all find a bomb shelter somewhere, load it with food and water and start singing Kum-ba-ya?

Of course not. It's interesting to me that even before the events of recent days evolved, I had been studying the topic of "Why does a benevolent God allow such terrible things to happen?" And the truth is we will not know this side of heaven. Yet, I look to the "end times" with as much trepidation as I do anticipation. There are days when I long for Jesus' return. And still I agree more with the comments made by Rabbi Daniel Isaak, "The issue isn't 'Why did God do this to us?' but 'How do we human beings care for one another?" As a Christian, I could look at these tragedies as God's punishment (which has a Biblical precedent) or as a sign of the "end times" (the "signs" are so numerous, where does one begin?) but I would prefer to see it as a responsibility that God has given us to care for one another in times of suffering. I'll be honest, I do believe God allows suffering, but I don't believe he leaves us to suffer. Jesus certainly suffered (on the cross) and each of us, throughout our life, will face times of suffering, but the question is not, "Why did God do this?" It is, "How does God want me to respond to this?" How can I help my fellow man? Can I cling to my faith with the same strength that many Tsunami survivors used to cling to tree branches and roof tops? I hope so.

There is so much more to this answer, but I think I'll save that for another blog. I really want to finish Small Sacrifices before the weekend.

Where Science and God Collide

2005-03-10T15:07:00.000-07:00

Charles Townes is a controversial man, but what does one expect from a UC Berkley Professor? He's said some crazy things over the years, things that many don't agree with, and yet he has now been awarded the Templeton Prize worth 1.5-million dollars. He is a Nobel Prize winner (1964, he shared it with someone else). He developed the maser in 1954 and went on to co-invent the laser. (Can you hear Dr. Evil laughing?) The laser has since led to many breakthroughs in medicine, telecommunications, computers, and electronics.

What's so controversial you ask? Well, Charles Townes was the first Scientist to state that religion and science had a lot in common. His work was groundbreaking and upsetting to many in the religious and scientific communities, especially in the 1960's when he decided to publish a paper on it. The following is from a recent Los Angeles Times article:

He said no greater question faced humankind than discovering the purpose and meaning of life and why there was something rather than nothing in the cosmos.

"If you look at what religion is all about, it's trying to understand the purpose and meaning of our universe," he said in a telephone interview from New York this week. "Science tries to understand function and structures. If there is any meaning, structure will have a lot to do with any meaning. In the long run they must come together."

Townes said that it was "extremely unlikely" that the laws of physics that led to life on Earth were accidental.

Townes said science was increasingly discovering how special our universe was, raising questions as to whether it was planned. To raise such a question is the work of scientists and theologians alike, said Townes, who grew up in a Baptist household that embraced "an open-minded approach" to biblical interpretation. He is a member of the First Congregational Church in Berkeley and prays twice daily.

In 1964, while a professor at Columbia University, Townes delivered a talk at Riverside Church in New York that became the basis for an article, "The Convergence of Science and Religion," which put him at odds with some scientists.

In the article, Townes said science and religion should find common ground, noting "their differences are largely superficial, and the two become almost indistinguishable if we look at the real nature of each." When MIT published the article, a prominent alumnus threatened to break ties with the institution.

In a 1996 interview with The Times, Townes said that new findings in astronomy had opened people's minds to religion. Before the 1960s, the Big Bang was just an idea that was hotly debated. Today, there is so much evidence supporting the theory that most cosmologists take it for granted.

"The fact that the universe had a beginning is a very striking thing," Townes said. "How do you explain that unique event" without God?

Good point. I recently read Krakatoa a book about one of Earth's worst volcanic eruptions, and I couldn't help but see the connection between God and science. To say one is without the other is to create either a very small God or a very ambiguous universe. So why can't we put aside all the hate, and begin to learn from one another how immaculately God designed and carries out the plan of earth. That he has made the human body and this great earth to be extremely diverse and complicated. And yet that he invites us along for the ride. God is not sitting in heaven fascinated by all our scientific discoveries, but that he sits beside us anxiously awaiting the times when the human mind manages to catch just another small glimpse of his majesty. He partners with us in the discovery of his creation. He already knows what he did and how he did it, but he's gracious to let us discover it too. Let's not forget who is the greatest scientist .

And congratulations to you Dr. Townes. This person salutes you and thanks you for being controversial.

David was a Real Man

2005-03-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

So here I sit in a random dorm room in Turner Hall. We are preparing for a very important moment - Gilmore Girls! I am still sick, so I recruited a few friends to help me write today's blog.

My two friends, who will remain anonymous (I mean this is the world wide web we're talkin' about), they have been learning about David. THE David, the man after God's own heart, David. They are explaining to me about the Brook Besor. It's a location where some important things happened in David's life. It is a place of compassion and mercy.

Out in the wilderness David teams up with King Achish of Gath. Together their armies go to attack Israel and Saul. While they are away the Amalekites take captive all the women and children of David's party/town called Zikleg. King Achish releases David and the army returns to find their village plundered. It's in this moment when all David's men turn against him and plot to kill him that he returns to God and asks for his counsel. So they set off to find the Amalekites. When they reach the Brook Besor a third of David's men stay behind because they are so worn out from the previous mission and tracking the Amalekites. While at the Brook Besor they see a man laying in a field and they bring him to David. It is in this moment that we see David's heart for compassion. He takes pity on the man and feeds, clothes, and gives him something to drink. As it turns out this man is actually an Egyptian slave of the Amalekites and he leaves David and his men to the Amalekites' camp. Where they take back all that they had lost. But the story does not end there. Upon returning to the other third of David's men, the two thirds that went with David don't want to give any to the men who didn't go. But David believes that all the people of his army are important, so once again his compassionate heart takes care of those he is called to take care of.

So what do we learn from this? In Psalm 53 it says, "Not a man, not a mouse slips through the cracks" (msg). David learned this from God when he returned to him for prayer and counsel after he found everything gone. And it is something he in turn returns to others. We experience God and so we need to share what we receive with others. Eugene Peterson says, "When we're living this life right, this is what happens. We pass on the experience, pass on the God experience to the people we meet. They experience what we are experiencing in God."

Thanks A and A!

In Sickness and In Health

2005-03-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

I am really sick. I'm never sick, but right now I am sounding awful. I'm tired. I'm hungry, but I can't eat because I'm also naseus. Who doesn't want to be me right now.

There is nothing like sickness to bring out the inner child in all of us. There I was unable to sleep, in immense pain, naseus, and all together feeling the worse I've felt in years and all I wanted was to talk to my mom. Mind you it was 3:00 am, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to be woken up in the middle of the early morning. I can remember when I was sick as a child my mother was always there to take care of me. She could hear my cry from one story difference whenever I was feeling bad, and it didn't matter back then...whether it was just a headache or I was very sick. And that's how I felt last night very, very sick. It was a struggle to not pick up the phone. In truth, it was a struggle to pick up anything and all I wanted was my mommy for a little comfort and consoling. But I resisted.

So I was in a bind. I needed something to take care of me, and I certainly hate being alone and sick. I've been reading a book by Max Lucado called Traveling Light. And it's a pretty neat little study on Psalm 23. So I found myself in the midst of my pain and suffering reciting "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death I will fear no evil for thy rod and thy staff comfort me." And he truly does comfort me. He is the great Shepherd and Comforter. And I found myself blissfully nodding off to sleep. And the great thing about calling up God, rather than calling up my mom, was that I'm pretty sure I didn't wake him up.

Reference Check

2005-03-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

So I've been working at MCT for over 6 months now, and I hate to admit it, but I'm overpaid. You see I make plenty of money, and I often have plenty of time to spare at work. Now mind you, I'm accustomed to jobs where I'm overworked and underpaid, so this might just be a case of working a normal job for once. But it is a little jarring to sit around all day and check what the synopsis of the next Gilmore Girls will be (Luke and Lorelai back together - yeah!). Recently, my boss added a little more sustenance to my working plate, which I truly appreciate. I am now the reference checker for all future MCT Tour Actor/Directors. Yep, that's right, I decide people's fates on a day to day basis based off of what other people say about them.

A large part of my job requires reading between the lines. It means that if I hear someone stammer and stutter about a certain aspect of a person's character, then I need to keep probing until I understand more about the person being referenced. You can learn a lot about someone from sighs, mm-hmms, and complete avoidance of the question. Be careful about who you chose to be a reference for you.

Aren't you glad we don't have reference checks to get into heaven? I mean to think that your eternity could hinge on whether or not someone can articulate your good works or not, would be a little scary. Heck, we wouldn't even be good references for ourselves, because God knows all the sin in us. He reads right through our stuttering and stammering. Instead he gave us the ultimate reference, Jesus. A man who said not only will I speak up for that person, I'll die for that person. Wow!! In the midst of our blahs and mirkies there is Jesus who intercedes for us.

"Therefore, my friends, since we have confidence to enter the sanctuary by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain (that is, through his flesh), and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us approach with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:19-23

Commitment or committed?

2005-03-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

I guess I just want to speak from my heart for a minute about one of the biggest frustrations I face in my Spiritual journey. I've been a Christian for a long time now, and I don't know if I'll be able to handle one more person telling me, "I'm too busy" to do something for Jesus or go to a Bible Study or attend church or any number of other things. The truth is, we're all busy. I work 40 hours a week, volunteer 20 hours a week plus to InterVarsity. I then give another 5-10 hours a week to my church. That doesn't leave a lot of time for other things, but somehow God blesses me with enough hours in a week to sleep, study the word, pray, and spend time with friends. It's a matter of commitment.

I recently read a very funny and meaningful book called, He's Just Not That Into You. It's a dating book, written by a male comedian, but it's written directly to women. Here's the premise of the book. Women (men pay attention) if a guy doesn't do the things he says he's going to do, he's just not that into you. You know what the third chapter is all about? It says this, women, if a guy doesn't want to spend time with you or make you a priority, he's just not that into you. It's really true. Think about it. When is the last time you put someone you didn't really care about at the top of your "to do list." If you're anything like me, you haven't. So think about it from God's view. Christian if you do not want to spend time with God or make him a priority in your schedule, you are just not that into Him. How sad? But how painfully true.

There's an old saying that says you can tell a Christian by two things: their checkbook and their Day planner. Have you penciled God in recently? Have you given more than 5 minutes to him in prayer? What about spending time in corporate prayer with other believers? Or attending a Bible Study to study God's word with other people? And are you more than just attending? Or are you just the person who comes when the mood hits or their isn't too much homework. Sometimes we can act like we want to pick and chose from the salad bar of God. Mmmm, today I'll have a little Bible Study, but no prayer. Oooh, the large group meeting looks great, but I'd rather sleep-in Sunday morning and not go to church. But maybe I'll be craving church next week. Once again, if you can't commit to Jesus, you're just not that into him.

I don't want to guilt trip anyone, or make people feel bad, but God isn't a cosmic vending machine waiting in heaven for us to put in our time and solicit a favor. He's a loving God, who sent his son to die for the salvation of the world. What an amazing love that is?! And when you truly love someone, you put effort into meeting with them and spending time with them. You make a commitment. God makes a commitment to us daily, and he made an extremely serious commitment 2000 years ago when he sacrificed his son on the cross. Not because he was upset with Jesus, but because he loved us, his creation. And I'll tell you with all of the opportunities we receive each day to spend with God, it's easy to tell that he is just that into us.

Lightning Rod

2005-03-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

Here's an e-mail from a friend that I thought would help others.

A lighting rod is used to protect something from the effects of being hit by lightning. Many people think a lightning rod attracts the lightning but in reality it does not so much do that as provide a way for the lightning to safely conduct to the ground where it will not harm something. In the Midwest lightning rods are used on buildings and while it is the building that is actually attracting the lightning because of its size the rod is place on the top of the building and is now the highest point and it will most likely become the target of the massive heat and energy from the strike.

When you are standing out in the world and preaching the word of God in such a way the amount of spiritual attacks you will be subjected to will increase. Simply being a Christian will attract the lighting in the first place, much like the building does, but when you are so passionate about your love of Jesus, you make yourself the highest thing around and you attract the massive heat and energy of the lighting (The lightning can be seen as spiritual attacks from Satan, the prince of the air). And in so doing you are taking the brunt of the strike and others who are not strong enough are able to withstand the lighting strike as well.

It is meant as high praise to be called such a thing! I know that the higher you are the more intense the strikes will become and so I pray for you. I pray for you to be strong. I pray that you are able to see that you need to fall upon the grace of God. Remember, even as a lightning rod is grounded into the earth where the energy it is hit with will be safely absorbed so must you be rooted in our Lord.

Thanks J.

Doing unto others

2005-03-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

"...We have had the Golden Rule since Confucius' time. Our problem has never been not knowing what we should do. Our problem, rather has been that we lack power to do what we know we should do." Paul Little Know Why You Believe

That famous "golden rule" that your mother or teacher or someone else espoused on you, "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you." A truer teaching has never been taught, but people who actually do it are few and far between. (How many more cliches can one woman write?)

Let's face it, when we think about what we do with our lives a lot of our time and energy is expelled in entirely selfish and unproductive manners. I don't know how many lifetimes I've lived in front of the television or lost in a good book. I want other people to take time out of their TV watching and book reading and spend quality time with me. So, if I was really living up to "doing to others what I would want for me," I would put those things aside that hinder me from spending time with or praying for people.

Little is right, though. We know we should be taking care of each other, and in most cases I believe we do want to do that. But we don't trust the one who can help us accomplish that task. I can't even imagine how much power we don't tap into because we don't believe it helps, or gasp, even exists. God is so much bigger than our minds. I've seen him heal my mother of cancer, twice, and bring a friend out of a deep depression, for good, not to mention all the stories we read about in the Bible. That's a lot of power. And he is willing and ready to use it, if we would just chose to partner with him.

He could do it by himself. To face the cold hard facts, he doesn't need us to accomplish his work on earth. He chooses to allow us to be a participant in the glorious story. How great is this God, who did not create robots, but created humans he loved and gave free will to. We have a lot of choices. The first is to believe in him and his complete power. The power that can transcend to each of us "doing to others as we would want done to us." Let's start to ask for big things to happen in the lives of those around us, and maybe if we're lucky God will allow us to do some of the leg work.

An Active Listener

2005-02-28T13:12:00.000-07:00

Psalm 4

Answer me when I call, O God of my right!
You gave me room when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me, and hear my prayer.

How long, you people, shall my honor suffer shame?
How long will you love vain words, and seek after lies? Selah
But know that the Lord has set apart the faithful for himself;
the Lord Hears when I call to him.

When you are disturbed, do not sin;
ponder it on your beds, and be silent. Selah
Offer right sacrifices,
and put your trust in the Lord.

There are many who say, "O that we might see some good!"
Let the light of your face shine on us, O Lord!"
You have put gladness in my heart
more than when their grain and wine abound.

I will both lie down and sleep in peace;
for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.

What an active God we serve? Look at all this descriptions of his doing...
- gave me room
- set apart the faithful
- hears when I call
- his light shines on us
- puts gladness in our hearts
- keeps us safe
I know sometimes that God can seem distant. I've experienced many seasons in my life in which I wondered where God was and what he was doing. And Psalm 4 says that God gives us room in our distress, but he's also gracious to us and hears our prayers. Nothing we do is in vain when we do it with awareness of God. All we need to do is "offer right sacrifices and put our trust in the Lord" (vs 5). He "puts gladness in our hearts more than when grain and wine abound" (vs 7). So when I'm feeling "yucky" without reason, or tired, or I can't see God working in my life and the lives of those around me, I must trust in him who is trustworthy. For "he hears me when I call to him" (vs 3).

Humbling Experiences

2005-02-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

I had an incredibly humbling experience today: I had to retake the driving test. It was humbling on several levels. First, I was humbled because I lost my Oregon license which meant that I would have to retake the test in order to get my Montana license. It was also humbling to know that I had been driving for just short of ten years, and I didn't remember anything from the written test section. I was also humbled as I sat in my car taking the driving portion knowing that the test monitor was watching every move I made, and this is a person with a lifetime experience of seeing drivers good and bad. The driving test monitor KNOWS driving.

There was a famous man from a few centuries ago that also had a humbling experience, except this time he wasn't taking a driver's test. He was taking the ultimate vocational test. His name was Isaiah. Isaiah, one might recall, was an Old Testament prophet circa the eighth century before Christ. God was mad at his people for their idolatry and rotten behavior. So he chose one man, Isaiah, to reveal His mighty judgment and destruction. In the midst of all of the drama, Isaiah actually encounters the living God. We read about the encounter in the book of Isaiah.

Can you imagine what it would be like to stand in the presence of the almighty? He is the greatest of the great, the best of the best, and the ultimate of all. He KNOWS everything. He KNOWS all of the sin and messiness that consumes our lives. He KNOWS our driving records better than any driving test monitor. Think about it: he knows when we speed (even when we're not caught), he knows when we don't stop exactly at the stop sign, and he knows when we forget to use our turn signal. To stand in his presence would be to know true humility. And Isaiah did (6:5), "Woe is me! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of Hosts!" But Isaiah knows much more than we do about humility. Here's a man that must be pretty special because he's been chosen by God to speak to the people of Israel, and yet, he says that he is lost. He is aware, not only of his sins, but the sins of the people he lives with. That is true humility. And he embraces it and confesses it before the All-Knowing. But God doesn't leave him there, God picks Isaiah up, dusts him off, has a seraphim touch his lips with a piece of coal (who hasn't had that happen to them - really) and says, "Now that this has touched your lips, your guilt has departed and your sin is blotted out" (6:7). How great that an omnipotent, omniscient, all-powerful being would forgive us when we come humbly before him and just ask for it.

I did pass the test by the way. I am now a licensed Montana Driver. But I still feel humbled by the whole interaction. And sometimes it's hard to lift up your eyes to look at the Great Mysterious and see your imperfections in the midst of his perfectness. Yet, what an amazing God we have that will walk with us and forgive us when we come before him in humility like Isaiah did.

"And remember I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20b

Wanting what exactly?

2005-02-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

An interesting statement. Of course this is the first line of the famous Psalm 23. You know, the Psalm we all associate with death, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." The Lord as a shepherd, one who walks, feeds, protects, guides. Therefore, I shall not want. But for some reason that doesn't make any sense to me. I'm an American. I work hard, and are we not taught that "The American Dream" is all we really should want. You know, the perfect spouse, the perfect 2.5 children, a dog or cat, a nice job and a lot of good, ol' American comfortableness. I don't even know if that's a word, but I know we desire it. There is a huge tension raging inside of me that has a hard time saying, "I shall not want." Deep down inside of me, my rights scream out, "I have plenty of wants!!! What's wrong with that?!" As I laid in bed last night trying to repeat this phrase over in my head as a form of meditation, I kept thinking about all that I truly did want. I want a loving and wonderful spouse. I want adventure - to live and experience other cultures. I want to get my new Driver's Liscense with no hassles. And then I realize my greatest want is the desire to not be wrong about my wants. I want to be able to want without guilt.

I moved again recently, for what must be the 8th time since I left my parents' home. This time my new apartment is much smaller than my previous two apartments, plus I inherited my Granny's queen bed. I discovered that for my age and circumstances - I have way to much stuff. Moving from a big apartment to a much smaller apartment, now complete with roommate, I knew I didn't have enough room for all that stuff. So as I sorted through it (ala Clean Sweep) I realized that I was really just filling those moving boxes with years and years of wants. But what really struck me was that the more I put in the "sell" pile, the better I felt. I felt better letting go of all those wants. And I started to think about the other things that I wanted, and I realized that I have plenty of great things already, that maybe I don't need to add anything else to the wants pile.

Max Lucado says, "What you have in your Shepherd is greater than what you don't have in life." How true? So often we write off Jesus as just another great teacher, even if we do call ourselves Christian. Yet, Jesus was the smartest man to ever live, he could manipulate the chemical structure of water to turn it into wine and he could change the DNA structure of a human being to heal them or bring them back from the dead (thanks Dallas Willard). The Good Shepherd truly is greater than my wants. I imagine if I really need it, He'll provide it, in His time. And let's face it, "God might not work on my schedule, but He is never late." So, when I lie in bed tonight, I'm going to try and pray as the Puritans did, "All this and Jesus too?"

Fasting

2005-02-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

Another day, another post. Maybe there is more to this commitment thing than meets the eye...

It is currently the liturgical season of Lent, which in my opinion is by far the most celebrated. I'm not Catholic nor am I Anglican or any other religion that actually thinks about what to give up for Lent, but for some reason, this year, I decided to do it, and to do it big time. At first I thought I'd give up something like coffee or sugary foods, and yet, I kept feeling like God was calling me to something greater, to a greater responsibility.

My family jumped around to a lot of different churches growing up. My dad said he could never find a church that matched his doctrine exactly, but he could find good churches with good people who care about community and the world. So we went to a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, an Episcopal church, and a Church of God before I graduated high school. I remember my first Lent. My family was attending St. Thomas Episcopal Church and my Sunday School teacher told us this was a time to sacrifice something for the Lord, because Jesus fasted in the desert for 40-days...there I was, 8-years old and doing it too. I'm not sure how seriously I took it. I remember giving up heavy metal music (which I never listened to), beef (my family ate venison), and chips (we rarely ever had junk food around the house). And in all likelihood, I probably ate chips, and beef, and listend to heavy metal music (if I could find any that I enjoyed). Shortly after, my family moved to Oregon and we started attending Reedsport Church of God. And the season of Lent never even crossed my mind during those busy high school years.

It was in college when I resumed the Lenten celebration. A couple of my friends were Catholic and were working through what they'd give up for Lent. In order to be a good friend, I gave up soda/pop, which actually was somewhat of a sacrifice. I barely remember that time, but I still don't think I understood why I was going through all the motions. I mostly thought I was encouraging some friends in their religious devotions. But as my knowledge of God grows so does my strange desire to try new and crazy things. In a life spent partnering with Christ one is called out of the normal and in to the radical. I've met people along the road who have challenged me and encouraged me to step out on a limb. Two such people have done the Daniel Fast for Lent. When I first heard what it was, I thought it was crazy, and I thought I would never, ever try it. Funny, how God gets involved and suddenly you can't help but do crazy things.

The Daniel Fast is one of eating only natural foods, grown from the ground. There is no meat, cheese, junk food, fast food, caffeine, one can't even eat anything made with white flour or refined sugars. It is such an extensive fast, I can't believe I said I would do it. But the day of Lent rolled around, and here I sat expectant before God to see what he wanted me to do with this crazy thing. And He said, give it up, let go and I will meet you in the midst. So not only did I give up sugar, but I gave up coffee as well and many other products that have tempted me for the past 14 days. And He sustains me, even when I'm not spending time in Quiet Time or Prayer (but I do feel better when I do those things). I've been amazed and challenged during this time, and I'm really excited to see where the next 26 days will lead.

And God is able to shower all kinds of blessings on you. In all things and at all times you will have everything you need. You will do more and more good works. 2 Corinthians 8:9 (NIRV)

New Day New Adventure

2005-02-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm a commitment-phobe. If you know me very well, this might not be a new revelation. I've certainly never committed to the same brand of shampoo, nor have I committed to staying in one location longer than my current job contract. And I've struggled for years to last longer in a dating relationship than, oh, say, three weeks. Imagine how difficult it was for me to get the nerve up to commit to writing in a blog on a regular basis. I almost signed up twice before I effectively did. Here I am. Writing about goodness knows what to goodness knows who. Even now as I type this, I worry about my availability and what my work schedule will look like, which is silly, this is my blog - I'll write in it when I want. Who cares when. A brand new day with a brand new adventure. I'm up for just about anything. Maybe today I'll choose forever Pert Plus or Pantene Pro-V. And then again...maybe not.